Friday, January 18, 2008

Your Homework

(or, some links and random stuff because I'm tired and lazy and can't think of a good fun post.)

First, a cautionary tale for those of us who read or write the erotic stuff:

The Fabulous Book Bitches did a post about a man with a, um, 9.5-inch appendage. There are no pictures of the appendage on the actual blog post, but there's a link. The link didn't work for me, so, purely in the interests of authorial reasearch and for no other reason, I did a (NOT WORK SAFE) Google image search. Ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to click on the link (the ones you're looking for are all, um, of the non-excited man, particularly the one where he poses so as to show how it and his forearm are roughly the same size), pay close attention. THAT is 9.5 inches. It almost reaches his knees. (Apparently when aroused he hits 13 inches.) Let's consider this for a moment, next time we read a scene where this number is mentioned, and it's mentioned more often than we think. Let's doubly consider it if we are writers and are tempted to place an exact measurement on our hero.

Personally I never give an actual size. It destroys the mystique. I'd rather use adjectives like "huge", "gorgeous", "thick", that sort of thing. The closest I've come of late is borrowing Mrs. Patrick Campbell's famous assessment of her new husband, "Six feet four and everything in proportion". (I didn't directly attribute my source, btw, but mentioned that it was a famous quote. In case anyone is interested.) (Even six feet four was an estimate.)

But seriously. Let's be more realistic. Let's not go down that dark, dark road.

Okay, next. Has everyone gone over to the League of Reluctant Adults blog and Suggested a book for our next Book Club? Because you need to do that.

Also, don't forget I will be guest blogging tomorrow at the Plot Monkeys blog, about choosing a publisher and warning signs and all that good stuff, and I'd love it if you guys could stop by. Please?

So lookie, a blog post after all! Yay me!


romblogreader said...

re: 9+ inch penises...

I don't know about your vagina, but mine has a back wall, on which there is a cervix.

Just sayin'

Dayna Hart said...

I was always convinced I could not possibly be the only living person who heard '9 inches' and cringed.

Anonymous said...

I'll leave this post, at least the first part, for the ladies to ponder.

I would like to get by plot monkeys tomorrow. -V95

kirsten saell said...

Never could quite get past such quantitative measurements in prose. I'm not even sure I like things like 6'4". "Tall" is quite good enough. As for the manly bits, huge, impressive, mammoth, of epic proportions, gargantuan--anything's better than an actual number. That's like in a lot of male-written erotica (ala penthouse forum) you get plenty of: her generous 38DDs perched plump and inviting above a tiny, 24" waist and 36" hips. Her lips, liberally coated in Maybelline's Bumbleberry (#1542) lipstick peeked out from beneath a fringe of Garnier Nutrisse auburn #56 bangs. Bleh.

writtenwyrdd said...

OMG thank you for the reality check (screaming with laughter)! As far as reading actual measurements, unless it's a guy boasting in dialog for comedic effect, bleh. I do not think that in a sex scene, mention of length in, er, scientific or technical terms (including the use of a ruler) would kill the mood.

writtenwyrdd said...

Ah! That link for the world's largest penis didn't work! However, I did find this:

Now that's scary!

Vicious Trollop said...

December, lets see if the links work from here.

Flaccid (9.5')
Erect (13.5')

For December and other writers. Anytime the word HUGE is mentioned to describe a penis I cringe. It scares me and I have to turn on the lights just in case something that big is lurking in the dark under my sheets! LOL

So please, no huge for us cowards. :P

Charles Gramlich said...

I wouldn't touch this post with a ten foot pole. If you know what I mean.

writtenwyrdd said...

Thanks for posting the links, vicious. That is frightening!

Gabriele C. said...

Yikes, he needs weapon license for that tool.

cyn said...

big dicks are overrated. like breasts and women, we think more about it and men think more about dick size. men will ogle boobage of any size and women are happy when the dick works as it should. haha!

and "thick" is def underrated.
who wants to straddle a 6 inch pencil?

cyn said...

uh, with big dicks, i think women cringe and men think, must have! haha!