Thursday, October 16, 2008

...and the angels wept

Madonna and Guy are divorcing.

It's just so sad. They seemed so perfect for each other; two human beings of great pretention, marginal talent, and superior marketing skills. Two self-absorbed rich people who found each other in a world of self-absorbed rich people. Sigh. It brings a tear to my eye, to think a marriage so clearly based in strike-while-the-iron-is-hot publicity and the ephemeral promise of a certain lazy one-note filmmaker's lazy one-note films love has come to an end.

No, honestly. I do loathe Madonna, and I do think Guy Richie is a talentless one-note filmmaker who only succeeded on Tarantino's coattails. But they did stick it out well beyond the absolute catastrophe that was Swept Away, so I give them credit for trying.

It does kind of make me wonder, though. Is it really even a marriage when you spend less than half a year together? And how bad do things need to get before you split up a marriage when you only see each other for photo ops? I think even if I were in a bad marriage I'd be able to stay in it for the sake of my kids if I never had to see the man involved for more than ten minutes. Really. Kind of like how for centuries widowhood was one of the best stages in a woman's life*? They could do what they liked, but they weren't sluts because they'd been married; they got to live only and solely for themselves.

I have no desire to be a widow, of course. But I do admit there have been times over the last eight years when I've thought rather enviously of women in polygamous marriages. I know that's not something we're supposed to say, but it's true. Think how nice it would be if, say, you have yet another stupid fucking stomach flu, and there's another wife around to feed and dress the children and take them to school (luckily--or not so luckily--Princess has been sick too, so I haven't had to cart her to and from school, but Faerie still has her nursery school three mornings a week.) Or you had insomnia and didn't sleep, and another wife lets you stay in bed while she handles that stuff.

Or if I have a lot of work to do, I could hand over the dinner responsibilities to another wife while I hole up somewhere with the computer. Another wife can keep the hubs busy (when you've been married for eight years I think expediency can sometimes override jealousy) so I can keep working.

It's not a perfect system, of course (and I don't think I need to tell anyone here how far my tongue is in my cheek.) But seriously, I can't be the only woman in the world who's ever thought this? That it would be quite nice to have a couple of other women around to help with the housework and the kids? To roll eyes with when the hubs is grumpy? Like, I'd tell the hubs to look for a wife who likes doing crafty things with the kids, because I'm not good at that (I have really no visual artistic abilities at all; my stuff looks nice enough but there's no real spark, I can never make it look the way it does in my head). And in exchange I'll teach them all to cook. And there could be an outdoorsy wife, who takes them hiking and to the playground and stuff, while I stay home and smoke and drink bourbon. It sounds frankly ideal, I have to say (and I've only seen Big Love once, sigh; is it even still on? They don't show it here.)

Of course, this assumes I get to be First Wife, as with the feudal Chinese. No Third or Fourth Wife positions for me, no way. I want to be Numero Uno, not the drudge.

But really, am I totally strange in thinking, just occasionally, that this might actually be a really good system? That it might actually save some couples from divorcing, even, if there's less fighting over who clears the table and does the dishes and takes the kids to violin lessons and all that stuff? And everyone gets more sleep.


*Note: When I say this I'm thinking of women throughout history who made loveless marriages simply to be married; I'm not at all implying this was the case for everyone.

In other news: First, I keep forgetting, like a dumbass, to mention this, but did you all see my good friend Caitlin's awesome announcement? I was lucky enough to beta-read the first three chapters of WITCH NUMBERS, and I have to tell you guys, it was fucking awesome. So awesome that this announcement did not surprise me one little bit. You will NOT want to miss these books when they come out, trust me.

Also, Accustomed to his Fangs got its first review! My beloved Mrs. Giggles gave the book an 85:

Accustomed To His Fangs is a most amusing vampire romance with a plot that is different from most of the vampire romances out there...The story here is actually a predictable one, but Ms Quinn manages to make it a most entertaining story nonetheless. Ms Quinn manages to poke a few sly fun at the expense of the more familiar submissive heroines of this kind of stories by having Becky deliberately not wanting to do what those heroines would have done without a second thought...Accustomed To His Fangs on the whole is a cute and most entertaining fresh twist on the whole vampire romance thing.

Read the full review here

Also, we have some new reviews for a couple of older titles! Bitten by Books has been working its way through my entire catalog, it seems, and they have some lovely things to say:

About Blood Will Tell:

...this is a well-written story by Quinn. She definitely knows how to tell a darned good story. 3.5 tombstones from the cranky Southern Belle.

About Day of the Dead:

Day of the Dead is an interesting story, a classic template with a few nice twists and an pleasant ending. Quinn spins a good yarn about vampires, revenge and love.

And last but not least, Personal Demons:

Personal Demons is fast-paced, well written, and downright scary in places. The action doesn’t let up, although it does slow down enough at times so you can catch your breath, and the love scenes between Greyson and Megan are hot enough to steam up your glasses.

So there you go! It's Thursday, and I finally don't feel like I'm going to throw up at any second!


BernardL said...

Those are very good reviews. On the polygamous home front, I did all the chores you wrote about when my wife was sick or feeling like staying in bed. In return I only had to decipher one female personality all these years. I admit even that one task was beyond my capabilities many times, but at least I only had one woman rolling her eyes at my supposed transgressions. Having two or three wives would have been like living with my own ‘Greek Chorus’. Another oddity must be addressed on this subject: is it not true when women live together, their periods synchronize? Yikes! :)

Charles Gramlich said...

Glad you are feeling better. I'm with Bernardl, the thought of dealing with more than one wife is exhausting in and of itself.

kirsten saell said...

I say ditch the men altogether! LOL

But really, I've come to a stage in my evolution as a human being where I want a wife, not a husband. Maybe two wives, even... :D

I don't think it would be as bad as all that, Bernard and Charles. Ideally, if the women were right for each other as well as the man, they would take a lot of the heat off him, too--and no, I don't mean sexually, get all your minds out of the gutter! Although...

And honestly, Bernard, not every husband is like you. Not even most, I think...

kirsten saell said...

And those are some blammo reviews, D!

BernardL said...

This is strictly anecdotal, Kirsten; but when my kids were growing up, I met a lot of couples, and a very high majority of the guys were exactly like me. They stepped up when they were needed. Thanks to anti-family Hollywood, the only guys making it on sitcoms are helpless wimps like Raymond the MetroMan, or the slob on Queen of Kings... er sorry... King of Queens. :)

kirsten saell said...

I'm not going by the sitcom husband/dad stereotype (I don't watch sitcoms, really), but by what I've seen in my own experience. And yes, I have seen some awesome men--unfortunately, their wives aren't that interested in kicking them to the curb so I can scoop them up!

All I can say is, your wife and your friend's wives are lucky to have you guys.

Maybe I just pick the duds... :D

Robyn said...

Absolutely no other wives...don't want to hubs to smile and say "Well, I'll just go to #2 or #3" when I'm threatening him. Just get a maid and a nanny.

Evanne said...

Congratulations on all that great ink!

Michele Lee said...

Unfortunately, speaking from experience what happened was the other "wife (it was never that serious, but let's pretend) laid in bed all day, jumping to my bed as soon as I got up to pee and took my place, while I made breakfast for every one she couldn't be bothered to even get dresses, she was a constant center of attention dress up and flirt with everyone person while I often felt like Cinderella, forgotten, ugly and the mule of the family. She did everything in her power to reinforce my feelings because she was one of those who had to be the best and more beautiful and more important than anyone else. And the man in question had his head up his ass and thought us competing for each him was a huge inflation of his ego and that her constant manipulations and drama were just because she was psychologically more needy than me and because I didn't need constant reassuring he could give it to her and I could just tough it out.

It was horrible, horrible. She never did any work around the house with out a glare and slamming things every where. She never too care of the kids or cooked. I still (obviously) have issues because of giving in the the temptation that it might be nice to have a second "wife".

December/Stacia said...

Yes, Bernard, you are a prince. Stephen did what he could (and always does), but he still had to go to work and all that. The poor man ate nothing but toast for dinner all week since I wasn't up to cooking and he didn't feel like it. :-)

Apparently it is true, yes. I've never had it happen to me, I don't think. I know BFF Cori and I used to fall off the wagon pretty close to each other but I don't think we ever really synched.

Lol, guys, I hadn't thought about the extra effort for the man!

True, Robyn, that's a good point too. A maid or nanny would be quite nice. One of my lj commenters said "Screw that, I'll get a second husband!" Which, that's a pretty good idea too. :-) My reply was that the problem with that one is I have to deal with both of their sexual demands and I frankly just don't have that kind of time! ;-)

Thank you Evanne! I was pretty pleased.

Oh Michele! {{{hugs}}} I'm so sorry to hear that. Yes, there is a major flaw in my funny little polygamy plan--I don't usually even like other women that much, so having to spend that much time with them would probably drive me up the wall. And that's horrible, that the man in question couldn't act like a real man. YOU are too good for a creep like that, and you deserve much better than to be treated so shabbily. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope my little joke didn't upset you.

laughingwolf said...

google keeps eating my posts grrrr

grats on all the good stuff, dee :D

as for multiple wives, forget about it...

while married, i did cooking/cleaning and looking after the kids, too... not easy

December/Stacia said...

Oh, tell me about it, Laughingwolf, I've been a stay-home Mom for almost eight years. :-)


Michele Lee said...

>>I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope my little joke didn't upset you.

Nah, I'm bitter, no necessarily sensitive. And in the end you teach people how to treat you and once I put down my foot it stopped. It was very valuable in teaching me how to stick up for myself.

Marian said...

I've read two books that dealt with polygamy in-depth. The first was a novel called Saints, by devout Mormon Orson Scott Card. The second was Escape, by Carolyn Jessop, who is a former Fundamentalist Latter Day Saint.

One of the most revealing things in the second book, for me, were the power plays and backstabbings that developed between the plural wives as they competed for the husband's attention. He held the top spot, naturally, and doled out his affections depending on which wife was the most obedient (including sexually).

I think polygamy is one of those things that works better in theory than in practice, unfortunately. I know you were joking, though. :)