Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Toast! Toooooast!

My two-year-old Faery said this today, tears pouring down her little cheeks, as I stole a piece of toast from her untouched plate.

She wasn't eating the toast, you see, the toast I lovingly made for her. Oh no. But she sure didn't want the likes of me stealing it from her abandoned plate while she tried to open the closet door and get out the feather duster to play with.

In her defense, she's getting a cold and is crazily emotional--just like I get before an illness. Yesterday Princess started crying because I wouldn't let her go play next door (she hadn't been invited) and Faery not only strted crying too, but looked accusingly at me, pointed at Princess, and said "Priness saad! Priness cryyyying!" As if I were unaware.


I mention all of this because I was going to eat the toast so it didn't get cold. In my mind, the toast had an expiration date, a time beyond which it would be inedible. (And as a total aside: I saw a comedian not too long ago--I think a pretty famous one too--who did a bit about expiration dates, picturing a cowboy with a ten-gallon hat standing near the cows, labelling bottles as the cows were milked, and saying things like, "That's your goddamn date!" Which tickled me.) In Faery's mind, she had all day to eat that toast, and instead of performing a valuable act of rescue, Mommy was in fact stealing food right out of her precious little mouth.

That's right. You wondered what kind of person would steal food from a baby? This kind!

But expiration dates are very clear in my head, I think. I'm always in such a panic that my time will pass, it will be over, that whatever new idea I have isn't even worth a try because it's passe.

Which is pretty silly, and a lot self-defeating, but there it is.

I also have some theories about being self-defeating which I may explore later, but let's face it, you guys all adore me but don't really care to hear all of my theories about my own self-hatred and how that fuels me as a writer and attention whore, do you? Because really, that's like hearing somebody's dreams. Interesting nce or twice, deadly dull if it becomes a habit. (With the exception of my husband, because that guy has some fucked-up dreams, baby.)

My point today is simply this: I have an idea, I'm desperate to get started, but I wonder at this point if it isn't already too late. I feel myself pulled in another new direction as well, one that may end my original plans for where my career would go. I also have high, high hopes for something that would mark a change in my career, but one so exciting I could pee myself thinking of it. (And maybe just did...that's the magic of blogging.)

And so I wonder if someone isn't standing around, looking at my original plans, and saying, "That's your goddamn date!"


Bernita said...

Passed my "best before" some time ago.

littlebirdblue said...

I could pee myself thinking of it. (And maybe just did...that's the magic of blogging.)

Hehehe. I'm going to rename this blog the TMI December Blog--though I like the mystery element. It works.

If you drive yourself crazy with the expiry date stuff, you might as well be working on a corporate treadmill model of bigER BETTER FASTER NOW! NOW! NOW!

So, do you want a corporate job, or do you want to write? I promise you, the corporate thingy pays way better, but then, it's you know...that.

Anna J. Evans said...

This is why you have to just concentrate on the process, on chugging along and enjoying the ride and working for the sake of working. Because writing makes you feel good, it's fun, and it feels like what you're supposed to do.

If you concentrate on things like imaginary 'expiration dates' that you can't control, you'll just drive yourself insane.

And don't worry about hating yourself just a little bit. I find most of my favorite people hate themselves a little bit, upon occasion. Those who don't, who are always sure they're making the right decisions and are always perfectly behaved---are usually scare and always annoying, lol.

I hate myself nearly every other Tuesday and sometimes on odd Saturdays :). Thank god today's Wednesday.

Hugs! Hope you get a call or email that actually does make you pee!


BernardL said...

My grandson does the same thing. He could be sitting in front of his plate for fifteen minutes, ignoring some food group; and if his Mom reaches for it, he attacks. :) You're right, everything in life has an expiration date, and especially career opportunities. One thing about writing though: you can do anything you want for a living, but you can still write while you're doing it.

Ann(ie) said...

You know the first time I read this, I extrapolated that some cowboys were teasing each other cowboys about the milkers being their dates (like escorts?) I've clearly been working too hard.

Just one more day.

pacatrue said...

Just write whatever you want so damn well that people would be crazy to pass it up, no matter what the date is.

Cause, you know, that's so easy to do.

December Quinn said...

Nonsense, Bernita.

You know, lbl, I read somewhere not too long ago about a blogger who actually did post from the toilet, and told her readers about it. I promise I will never stray any closer to that area than I just have.

Thanks, Anna. I think the change in seasons brings out the self-hate in me, honestly. A reminder of aging, or something? I dunno. Anyway, yes, I know I need to just enjoy the process. The funny thing is, I'm feeling more like maybe I should be writing something else, than that my career is over. Just that maybe the direction should/will change.

December Quinn said...

Lol what is it with the kids and their food, Bernardl? Good point, and since it looks like I may have to get a part-time job that's helpful advice for the moment too. :-)

Lol, Annie, and when it's over you can have a nice big drink!

December Quinn said...

Sure, Paca, I'll get right on that.

Sam said...

Aww - princess Cryiinngg! So cute!
How could you steal her toast? LOL

As for dates and changes - 'It's never too late' is a good philosophy to have.

Anonymous said...

Attention whore.

That cracks me up. -V95

Isabella Snow said...

Well go on and tell us what's nearly made you p*ss yourself!

writtenwyrdd said...

Now we know just what kind of child torturer you are, you toast thief!

You expiration date is the same as mine: After you have three best sellers or you turn 90. So there.

Anonymous said...

Write write write! I'm always worried that I'll miss a trend (even though I don't write to trend it seems like about half way into the first draft I find people looking for works that sound exactly like what I'm writing and I don't even have a first draft so I'mm gonna miss it!) But you know what, even if you miss that opportunity, you still have a story done that can be changed, or shelved for a bit. Last year I did a lot of writing short for themed Anthos. None got accepted, but I got a whole bunch of stories out of it.
It might be too late right now, but in a year it might be right on time.
MY husband tells me this sam thing, whenever I'm thinking of writing something new, like new genre. I always worry if it'll end up damaging what I'm trying to do. Then he points out to me, what I once said to getmyself going... "If it does, that's what pen names are for. If one name goes dead, pick another one."
You could even make a pseudonym for this other direction if you're not ready to go that way full force. This is one of the benefits to being a writer and not an actress.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and as for TMI... well, I know other people will disagree, but for me, there's not cuch thing. I love to talk to people about everything. I like knowing how they think and tick. Dreams, plans, fears... commonly things I talk about and not just with my hubby.
Your "date"... is the day they stick you in the coffin. Yeah, it's definitely too late then :) atleast under this name... LMAO

Scary Monster said...

Me likes the way your kid,and most others as well, think about things. I may not want it, but it's still MINE and you can't have it.
Me not worry about expiration dates.
Me birth certificate has one that expired long ago, yet me is still a fresh as a Hawiian trade wind.

Go with the excitement. It may or may not make you successful, but it will make life a whole lotta fun.
That be kinds the point, ain't it?


December Quinn said...

That is a good philosophy to have, Sam--just wish I could manage it sometimes!

I yam what I yam, V95!

No, no, Isabella, too superstitious. And remember, oddly secretive.

Thanks, writtenwyrdd! Good to have a set time like that. :-) Yes, I am a cruel, cruel person. I steal toast from children.

December Quinn said...

That's exactly my problem, Michele, it seems I get an idea and all of the sudden a million other people have it too...sigh. And that if I focus on something new I'll lose the progress I've made elsewhere. Why are we like that?

I am wildly curious about people, too. I'm always ready for whatever info they want to give (unless it's about female infections. They should always keep that to themsleves. Especially around food.)

December Quinn said...

Heh, I admit, Scary M, I was rather pleased that she knows what's hers, anyway. :-)
And yes, fun and excitement is the point...good to remember, huh?

S. W. Vaughn said...

Your time will never pass. Forget about what's "passe" and write before you pee your pants!

(December, did I not respond to your note? *GASP!* I thought I did. I shall go and find it! :-)

Anonymous said...

>>(unless it's about female infections. They should always keep that to themsleves. Especially around food.)

LMAO!! Halleluja!